Funny First Grade Teacher Confessions

We asked first grade teachers in our Teacher Discount Club Facebook Group and other teacher groups on Facebook to share the funniest things that have happened in their classrooms. Their responses were hilarious, so get ready for a good laugh. Here's what they said...

I was squeezing by a student to get behind my table for my reading group. My "booty" about knocked her over. I said "I'm so sorry!" She replied, 'That's ok Mrs. W., my grandma has a big booty too!" - Stephanie W.

While greeting students in the hallway a student says “Hey, my neighbor dad that woke up with my mom this morning is picking me up from school today!” Shocked and confused, I told him to "Go unpack and show me the note." It was his stepdad, not his neighbor! - Nicole H.

At the beginning of the year one of my students came up to me and said that another student said a bad word. I asked what the other student said and she said, "He said the 'w' word" I was so confused and asked "What's the 'w' word?" The student leaned in really close and whispered "weiner."  - Miranda K.

A student told me "My daddy keeps magazines hidden in his room. My mommy told me that I can't look at them because they are in-appro-priate. Whatever that means." My response out loud, "You definitely need to listen to your mommy." My response in my head, "I will never look at your dad the same way." - Megan S.

We were working on short vowels, and a picture comes up of a fried egg. I ask "Who can tell me what this is?" A student answers "It’s your brain on drugs!" This was a few years back obviously. I could'nt convince him otherwise. - Marianne C.

Two children were sharing a book together, and I overheard them say: “Look at those testicles! I’ve never seen testicles so big.” I quickly moved over to investigate, and saw a picture of a rather large octopus. "Tentacles! Say the word with me - tentacles!” Diane F.

One child got scratched on accident. I went over to check him out when another boy runs over and confidently yells, "Mrs. S. let me see. I’m an expert on medical situations!" Bridget M.

A student comes in wearing three sweatshirts on top of each other. I ask “How come you are wearing so many sweatshirts?” He says “I’m not, I bulked up over the weekend.” This kid is hilarious! - Alicia J. 

I had been teaching the states of matter all week and out of the blue a little girl stood up and said so excitedly, "Mrs. W., we use the three states of matter when we go to the bathroom! Liquid, solid, and gas!" Confession, I was so happy she applied the information because it meant she got it! - Stephanie W.

We were talking about what curiosity means. Students wrote one thing they were curious to learn more about on a post-it. One student wrote, “I am curious what my mom and dad do in their bedroom.” - Christy G.

I once had a student come in from the playground in a panicked state. In a crying voice and reaching for his back, he said, “Get this lunatic off my back!” Apparently he thought there was a wood tick crawling on him. - Gloriann H.

A girl comes up to me and says “Know what I want to be when I grow up? A teacher just like you! Maybe we can teach together! Oh wait. You’re old. You’ll be dead by then." and walked away. How old does she think I am? - Mindi S.

I tell my students to "Stop being cray-cray" when they're getting too rowdy. So the other day, this exchange happened between two of my higher kids. A little boy said "You need to stop with the cray-cray." and a little girl responded “I can't! I'm a hot mess!" It was so hard not to laugh. - Katie S.

We were talking about mammals that have fur and how they shed when it gets warmer. A little girl said, "Yea, my dad is really furry and sheds ALOT in the shower. There's always soooo much hair when he gets out." - Mary G.

One of my students was eating one of those bread sticks and cheese dip packages. I said "Oh I love those!" He brought one again the next day, dipped a breadstick, walked up to me, handed it to me and said, "Just so you know, I am free most Saturday nights! - Lynnette C.

We were practicing making rhyming words in our reading group. I asked my student to give me a word that rhymes with ham. He said "Oh I know a word that rhymes, but I can't say it or I will get in trouble." - Christine S:  

We were reading a book about taking a dog to the vet. A student said, “We took my dog to the vet to get neutered. It means she can’t have puppies. We got my mom neutered too.” - Laura G.

I had gotten married during the summer and my last name is quite a doozy, “Bouchillon.” It was the first week of school and I was outside and heard a parent ask her child, Hey what’s your teacher's last name again? The child responded, Oh mama, you know she’s that B-word!” - Tiffany B.

My class went to the bathrooms and one little girl seems to be taking an unusually long time. I finally call to her, “ Are you alright?” Her response was "I’m okay, I’m just concentrated." True story... - Nancy A. 

One day I wore my new black dress to school. A little sweetie came up to me and enthusiastically said, “Oh! I get it! We’re learning about the Pilgrims today!” - Anita D.

My students were singing Christmas songs in music class. When they returned I asked, "What did you sing?" One student said, "That one about the new wife." "What?," I asked. He started singing, "Im dreaming of a wife for Christmas, just like the one I used to know." - Pamela S. 

Have a funny story to add? Join our Facebook Group and then post your story in the group. We'll add the ones that make us laugh the most.  

Below we have created a list of budget-friendly school supplies and materials available on Amazon with our suggestions for teachers. This site is updated daily, but prices and availability are subject to change at any time. As an Amazon associate I earn from qualifying purchases. Happy teaching!

 

8 Binder Divider Tabs
8 Binder Divider Tabs
Organize lesson plans & important papers.
Regular price $4.10 $2.04
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Picture Book
Picture Book
Recommended for ages 3-7.
Regular price $4.99 $2.49
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Self Watering Planter 6.5in
Self Watering Planter 6.5in
Plant your favorite plants indoor or outdoors.
Regular price $4.99 $2.49
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Picture Book
Picture Book
Recommended for ages 3-5.
Regular price $4.99 $2.59
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Picture Book
Picture Book
Recommended for ages 4-8.
Regular price $4.99 $2.79
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2 Metallic Markers
2 Metallic Markers
Label classroom electronics & other dark surface items.
Regular price $5.09 $2.97
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24 Colored Pencils
24 Colored Pencils
Color, draw & write with these colored pencils. 
Regular price $4.99 $2.97
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Mounting Putty 2 oz.
Mounting Putty 2 oz.
Temporarily hang artwork, writing projects & other decor. 
Regular price $8.68 $2.99
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5 Binder Tabs
5 Binder Tabs
Organize lesson plans & important papers.
Regular price $5.25 $2.99
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8 Binder Divider Tabs
8 Binder Divider Tabs
Organize lesson plans & important papers.
Regular price $6.29 $3.32
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30 Carpet Spots
30 Carpet Spots
Mark students' spots or use for large-motor activities.
Regular price $71.99 $3.37
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Slinky Original
Slinky Original
A great reward or stocking stuffer.
Regular price $15.00 $3.39
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Chapter Book
Chapter Book
Recommended for ages 8-12.
Regular price $7.99 $3.39
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Rubik's Cube
Rubik's Cube
Challenge students to use problem solving skills.
Regular price $13.77 $3.44
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Picture Book
Picture Book
Recommended for ages 3-5.
Regular price $6.99 $3.44
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5 Yellow Highlighters
5 Yellow Highlighters
Highlight lesson plans, vocab & important details in texts.  
Regular price $4.38 $3.84
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Mini Jenga Game
Mini Jenga Game
  Practice fine motor and hand-eye coordination skills.
Regular price $10.99 $3.96
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8 Color Pens
8 Color Pens
Write lesson plans, correct papers & doodle just for fun. 
Regular price $9.20 $3.97
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USB Drive 16 GB
USB Drive 16 GB
Backup lesson plans, printable materials & other files.
Regular price $16.60 $3.99
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100 Animal Stickers
100 Animal Stickers
Reward student achievements and good behavior.
Regular price $11.99 $4.00
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8 Binder Divider Tabs
8 Binder Divider Tabs
Organize lesson plans & important papers.
Regular price $8.09 $4.10
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Picture Book
Picture Book
 Recommended for ages 4-8.
Regular price $7.99 $4.39
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6 Sparkle Play-Doh Tubs
6 Sparkle Play-Doh Tubs
Reinforce fine motor skills through sensory play. 
Regular price $9.99 $4.49
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Chapter Book
Chapter Book
Recommended for ages 7-10.
Regular price $9.99 $4.49
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Chapter Book
Chapter Book
Recommended for ages 10-14.
Regular price $9.95 $4.49
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Farkle Flip Game
Farkle Flip Game
Practice number & color recognition.  
Regular price $9.99 $4.62
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Chapter Book
Chapter Book
Recommended for ages 6-9.
Regular price $7.99 $4.63
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Picture Book
Picture Book
Recommended for ages 2-4.
Regular price $7.99 $4.69
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100 Birthday Stickers
100 Birthday Stickers
Celebrate student birthdays with these cute stickers. 
Regular price $11.99 $4.69
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6 Double Dry Erase Markers
6 Double Dry Erase Markers
Write learning targets & lessons on the whiteboard. 
Regular price $7.99 $4.76
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12 Highlighters
12 Highlighters
Highlight lesson plans, vocab & important details in texts.  
Regular price $11.89 $4.79
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5 Neon Dry Erase Markers
5 Neon Dry Erase Markers
Write on and decorate windows with these markers.
Regular price $11.49 $4.94
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12 Scented Markers
12 Scented Markers
Create deliciously scented posters & anchor charts. 
Regular price $10.49 $4.95
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Phase 10 Card Game
Phase 10 Card Game
  Practice number sense and sequencing skills.   
Regular price $9.99 $4.97
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5 Post-it Pads 3x3 in.
5 Post-it Pads 3x3 in.
Jot down & organize to-do lists or important reminders. 
Regular price $10.99 $4.99
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Picture Book
Picture Book
Recommended for ages 3-5.
Regular price $7.99 $4.99
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Picture Book
Picture Book
Recommended for ages 6-8.
Regular price $9.99 $5.00
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8 Permanent Markers
8 Permanent Markers
Label school supplies, teaching materials & classroom books.   
Regular price $10.49 $5.36
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Picture Book
Picture Book
Recommended for ages 4-10.
Regular price $10.99 $5.49
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Barrel of Monkeys
Barrel of Monkeys
Practice hand-eye coordination & fine motor skills. 
Regular price $9.99 $5.50
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Chapter Book
Chapter Book
Recommended for ages 8-12.
Regular price $10.99 $5.59
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Chapter Book
Chapter Book
Recommended for ages 7-10.
Regular price $9.99 $5.59
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Chapter Book
Chapter Book
Recommended for ages 7-10.
Regular price $9.99 $5.59
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24 Mechanical Pencils
24 Mechanical Pencils
Write until your heart is content without sharpening.
Regular price $12.80 $5.64
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144 Eraser Tops
144 Eraser Tops
Replace used pencil erasers with these eraser tops.
Regular price $11.99 $5.88
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12 Large Pink Erasers
12 Large Pink Erasers
Fix mistakes with these classic pink erasers.
Regular price $9.84 $5.96
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Picture Book
Picture Book
Recommended for ages 4-8.
Regular price $9.99 $5.99
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Picture Book
Picture Book
Recommended for ages 4-8.
Regular price $9.99 $5.99
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Picture Book
Picture Book
Recommended for ages 4-8.
Regular price $9.99 $5.99
Visit Amazon
Picture Book
Picture Book
Recommended for ages 4-8.
Regular price $9.99 $5.99
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Play-Doh Playful Pies
Play-Doh Playful Pies
Boost creativity and fine motor skills with sensory play.
Regular price $19.99 $6.02
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Uno Card Game
Uno Card Game
Practice number and color recognition skills.
Regular price $19.99 $6.15
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8 Flip Chart Markers
8 Flip Chart Markers
Make bright, colorful posters & anchor charts.
Regular price $12.50 $6.37
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8 Flip Chart Markers
8 Flip Chart Markers
Make bold classroom posters & anchor charts.
Regular price $12.39 $6.39
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Scissors 8 in
Scissors 8 in
 Cut paper and card stock for the classroom. 
Regular price $12.38 $6.48
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6 Flair Pens
6 Flair Pens
Write lesson plans, correct papers & doodle just for fun. 
Regular price $13.34 $6.49
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Blink Game
Blink Game
Practice colors, shapes  & counting skills.
Regular price $9.99 $6.60
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Don't Break the Ice
Don't Break the Ice
Practice hand-eye coordination skills.
Regular price $14.99 $6.79
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Connect4 Game
Connect4 Game
Practice beginning number sense skills with this fun game.
Regular price $12.99 $6.88
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Playskool Mr. Potato Head
Playskool Mr. Potato Head
Practice body part vocabulary while playing.
Regular price $11.99 $6.88