Funny Things Elementary Teachers Say 2

We asked elementary teachers in our Teacher Discount Club Facebook Group and other teacher groups on Facebook to share the funniest things that they've heard their students say. Their responses were hilarious, so get ready for a good laugh. Here's what they said...  

 

I bent down to tie a kindergarten student's shoes and one of my fourth grade student said to me " Oh Ms. G. you should not wear grandma underwear with teenager pants." I guess my underwear was showing in the back. - Charlotte S., fourth grade 

We were eating lunch in my classroom and I told one of the boys I was eating hummus. He responded, “I’ve had goat hummus before... or was it horse." - Lindsay D., preschool

One of my students told me  "I’m drawing a picture of you Mrs. G." I responded, "Oh good. Make me skinny!" He looks at me. Looks at the picture. Looks at me again, and says “I think I’d better start over!” I died laughing. - Regina H., kindergarten

We were in the hall looking at the clay molds the kids in 2nd grade made. One of my students, so sure of himself said “I know what that one is, it’s a broccoliosaurus!” I said, “Oh really…” - Courtney G., preschool

 

I have a student who has been very shy all year and is just coming out of her shell. We were playing with play dough and it was time to clean up. As she was putting it away she just starts to uncontrollably giggle. She says, "My play dough farted." I had to giggle with her. It was greatness. - Tina S., kindergarten

I was doing a narration with my class and asked a quiet, shy little girl what she would give her mommy for Valentine's Day. She said, "a beer." It was not the answer I was expecting, so I asked some other questions. "Can you tell me about the beer?" She said, "You know... brown and furry. A beer!" She was talking about a bear! - Lisa B., preschool

We were looking at a diagram that highlighted the kidneys. A sweet boy said "Mrs. M., this diagram is wrong, the kidneys hang outside your body further down." Another student started to correct him and I replied with "We'll cover that in our human growth and development talk, but I promise this diagram is correct." - Kelly M., fifth grade 

One of my boys came up to me after using the restroom and said, "Teacher I don’t need to wash my hands since I didn’t need to point my peepee in the toilet." -Alison F., kindergarten

I overheard two girls talking to each other in the lunch line, "Is that a condom you are holding?" one girls asked the other. "What did you say?" I asked. "I asked if she was holding a condom, you know like ketchup" she responded. I quickly explained that ketchup is a condiment. - Hazel B., third grade

A few weeks ago one of my students brought in unicorns for show and tell. We were talking about how unicorns are like horses. I asked the students, “Are unicorns real?” A little boy said, “Yes, but they only existed way back in the 80’s, right Mrs. B.?”  - Sandra B., preschool

In the middle of a lesson a student asks "Mrs. R., did you know you are white?" I jokingly say "No, you're kidding! I thought I was pink!" My student responds "Well, you are a little pink." - Donna W., kindergarten

We were talking about chicken pox, and I asked one of my student, “Have you ever had chicken pox?” and he replied, “No, but I have had chicken McNuggets!” - Jennifer K., preschool

I have a highly intelligent child in my room and one day he said something he shouldn't have. When I called to tell mom, I whisper spelled the word into the phone. He looks straight at me and says "You don't have to spell a d-a-m thing for me because I can spell" to which I wanted to reply "Well you didn't spell that correctly!" But I refrained - Heather S., kindergarten

So I'm doing a lesson on money. I hold up the $5 bill and ask if anyone remembers what this bill was while pointing to the number 5. To help I start with the sound "Fff...Fff...Fff..." A child then says "Fff...Fff...F***!", then sees my shocked face and says "No! Five. It's five. Ms. C., I think it's five." then a nervous giggle. - Tricia C., preschool

Several years back the kids were playing with the farm animals. One little boy knocked over a horse and yelled “Oh no! He’s not breathing... give him VCR!” - Deb. C., kindergarten

I once had a student tell me, “My parents own a condom.” Shocked and confused I asked more questions only to find out he meant a condo! - Christine P., third grade

We were discussing using questioning techniques about animals. Birds was topic of the day. Holding up a book with a picture of a bird, pointing to the different parts I asked, “What are these?” until finally I got to the bill and asked what is this? A kid hollers out, “a pecker!” I did say, "Well yes, they peck their food with their bill.” - LeeAnn W., preschool 

We were reviewing vocabulary words and I asked, "How would you describe the inside of a chocolate bunny when you bite into it and just see air and no chocolate?" One of my students said, "A huge disappointment." I was looking for the vocab word "hollow." - Catie K, fifth grade

I had to step over a group of littles at the carpet and I said, “Excuse me guys.” While I was mid-step a boy says, “Whoa! Mrs S., your butt is SO BIG!” - Amanda S., preschool

We were working on contractions. I asked my students, “Does anyone know what this mark means? It looks like a comma, but it’s in the air and in the middle of the word.” One of my students proudly yelled, “It's a catastrophe!” I think she meant apostrophe. - Pagie P., first grade

So I was working with a student of mine and all of a sudden he tells me, “I’m a little gassy. I’m going to plug my nose. You can too.” At least he warned me, I guess... - Lori B., preschool

A student once told me, "The way to get rid of chicken pox is to let a chicken fly over your head." She thought she was being helpful so I tried not to laugh. - Susan M., fourth grade

I was playing restaurant and a little boy asks what I would like to drink. So I ask for lemonade and he says, “We don’t have that." So I ask for a diet Pepsi. “Nope, we don’t have that,” he says. So I ask for tea. “Nope,” he says. So I ask him what he does have, and he responds “Beer. We only have beer.” - Peggy P., preschool

While introducing amphibians, I asked my students if anyone knew what an amphibian was. A student proudly exclaimed, "To amphibian and beyond!" - Kim L., kindergarten

One of my girls just randomly told me during circle time, “My mommy has holes in her underwear and I can see her butt.” Um, thanks for that information? - Melissa B., preschool

A student told me "My daddy keeps magazines hidden in his room. My mommy told me that I can't look at them because they are in-appro-priate. Whatever that means." My response out loud, "You definitely need to listen to your mommy." My response in my head, "I will never look at your dad the same way." - Megan S., first grade

This was pretty much out of the blue. It was center time and one little girl was talking to her friend and said "Mrs. R. knows lots of things, my mommy knows some things, God knows everything, but my daddy? He doesn't know anything!" - Trisha L., preschool

During free play the other day a little boy tooted and I looked at him and asked what he needed to say. He says, “Oh excuse me!” I then said, “Thank you!” A few seconds later he says “No need to thank me Miss Kaitlyn, I’m a professional tooter”. - Kaitlyn F., preschool

I was reading to my students and one little girl kept scooting closer and closer. I would ask her to move back and then I’d feel her next to me again. She finally started rubbing my leg and exclaimed, “Your legs are just like Mommy’s...porcupine legs.” - Teresa S., preschool

At the beginning of the year one of my students came up to me and said that another student said a bad word. I asked what the other student said and she said, "He said the 'w' word" I was so confused and asked "What's the 'w' word?" The student leaned in really close and whispered "weiner."  - Miranda K., first grade

A little girl came up to me and put her hand on my stomach and said, "Baby." I said, "No, there's no baby there." She looked at me and said, "Teacher you fat." - Jill G., preschool

I was talking to a co worker and I said, "Ugh! This marker is on its last leg," and a child said “Um Miss Kaitlynn, markers don’t have legs!” I was dying. - Kaitlynn F., preschool

Dr. Seuss’ birthday was on Friday of last week. I asked my class “Who knows what special day is on Friday?” One of my students answered, “Isn’t it National Margarita Day? “ I didn’t even know there was such a day! - Alecia R., third grade

During nap time I have a little girl that does not sleep and sometimes she will lay on top of me. She once hugged me and said, "Mrs. Nicole I love your squishy belly and squishy butt..." Needless to say, I ran to the gym that night. - Nicole G., preschool

I worked in a tiny K-5 rural school, with a teaching principal, two regular educators & multi-age classrooms. The principal would hand out paychecks on Friday. One of my students asked, "What's that?" I say, "It's my paycheck." My student replies, "Oh, you work somewhere?" - Deborah B., kindergarten

After nap, one of the girls was putting on her shoes and she goes, "Ms. Jordan, sometimes my mom will call my feet bare feet when I don’t have socks and shoes on" she giggles and says, "My mom’s so funny. I don't have bear feet!" - Jordan S., preschool

I thought I was rockin’ the beach wave hairstyle when one of my students asks, “Ms. A., did you forget to brush your hair today?” I responded, “Ummm.... no.” Guess I need to practice that look a bit more. - Heaven A., third grade

One of my three year olds made a weird face and caught me looking at him so we stared at each other for a couple awkward seconds and then he goes, “I just burped out of my butt,” with the most serious face ever. I couldn’t stop laughing the rest of the day. - Lisa P., preschool

We were in the middle of reading a story in our reading group when a girl sat up straight and said "I forgot to put on underwear this morning". I thanked her for sharing and told her we really didn't need to know that. - Karla S., third grade

A  boy came back to school after being out for three days. When he walked in I said, "Welcome back, were you ill?" He quickly answered, "No, I was sick." - Lauren M., kindergarten

It was getting close to Christmas break and one of my students says “So I asked my dad if he would buy you a robot lawnmower for Christmas. He said no. So I asked him if had any single friends because you need a husband!” - Eri L., third grade

I do door duty every morning. I always tell every student good morning. One day a kid tells me, ”Good morning. You have snow breath.” I asked “What?” She replied, “You know, snow breath! And exhales a long breath.” It was so cold you could see your breath. Snow breath! I love it. - Sherri C., kindergarten

I was explaining why my name is spelled the way it is. My grandma’s name is Kay and my grandpa’s name is De. One sweet little girl said “Oh cool! If my parents would have named me like that, my name would be MaryDick!” - KayDe R., third grade

One of my girls came to tattle that a boy had said the "N" word. I prepared an office referral and got my angry teacher face ready and called him over. I asked him to tell me exactly what he had said, and with a bright red face and tears in his eyes he said, "nipples." I had to turn away to hide my laughter. - Tiffany R., second grade

I was teaching science and we had just finished contrasting carnivores and herbivores. I asked them what an animal that eats both plants and other animals would be called. A boy shouted out, “Both-ivores, because they eat both!” - Sara G., third grade

We were singing wheels on the bus. When it got to the part what do daddies do? An almost two year old looks at me and tells me daddy says "What the hell!" I was so speechless. I had to get up for a second because I couldn't let her see me laughing. - Melissa W., preschool

I was squeezing by a student to get behind my table for my reading group. My "booty" about knocked her over. I said "I'm so sorry!" She replied, 'That's ok Mrs. W., my grandma has a big booty too!" - Stephanie W., first grade

My students missed a period of physical education due to a holiday. It was make up PE day. A boy in my class asked in the most concerned voice, "Does that mean they're going to put makeup on us?" - Dez A., second grade

We have 2 Sarah's in the class. Sarah B. and Sarah D. I once said "Sarah, will you come to the back table?" without specifying her last initial. A boy yelled back, "What type of Sarah do you need?" - Bliss F., third grade

While greeting students in the hallway a student says “Hey, my neighbor dad that woke up with my mom this morning is picking me up from school today!” Shocked and confused, I told him to "Go unpack and show me the note." It was his stepdad, not his neighbor! - Nicole H., first grade

We were working on short vowels, and a picture comes up of a fried egg. I ask "Who can tell me what this is?" A student answers "It’s your brain on drugs!" This was a few years back obviously. I could'nt convince him otherwise. - Marianne C., first grade

We were talking about how to conserve water for Earth Day. All of the students were sharing great ideas about what they do at home. Then one student told the class that his parents save the most water because they always shower together. I just called on another student as quickly as I could so I wouldn't burst out laughing! - Tara B., second grade

Two children were sharing a book together, and I overheard them say: “Look at those testicles! I’ve never seen testicles so big.” I quickly moved over to investigate, and saw a picture of a rather large octopus. "Tentacles! Say the word with me - tentacles!” Diane F., first grade

A bunch of my kids were gathered around looking at something on the floor. Thinking it was a bug, I walked over to investigate. One girl looked up at me and said, "It isn't poop, it’s play dough. See..." She stomped on it and I took off her shoe to look closer at it, and got the unpleasant smell of...poop! - Karen K., preschool

A student comes in wearing three sweatshirts on top of each other. I ask “How come you are wearing so many sweatshirts?” He says “I’m not, I bulked up over the weekend.” This kid is hilarious! - Alicia J., first grade

When transitioning from circle time to snack. I said “If you have a heart (on your shirt) you may go sit down” A little boy gets up and I ask “Where is your heart?” He responds, “It’s in my belly” I say “That’s right, you may go sit down for snack.” - Lori G., preschool

I had been teaching the states of matter all week and out of the blue a little girl stood up and said so excitedly, "Mrs. W., we use the three states of matter when we go to the bathroom! Liquid, solid, and gas!" Confession, I was so happy she applied the information because it meant she got it! - Stephanie W., first grade

We were talking about what curiosity means. Students wrote one thing they were curious to learn more about on a post-it. One student wrote, “I am curious what my mom and dad do in their bedroom.” - Christy G., first grade

I once had a student come in from the playground in a panicked state. In a crying voice and reaching for his back, he said, “Get this lunatic off my back!” Apparently he thought there was a wood tick crawling on him. - Gloriann H., first grade

A girl comes up to me and says “Know what I want to be when I grow up? A teacher just like you! Maybe we can teach together! Oh wait. You’re old. You’ll be dead by then." and walked away. How old does she think I am? - Mindi S., first grade

I tell my students to "Stop being cray-cray" when they're getting too rowdy. So the other day, this exchange happened between two of my higher kids. A little boy said "You need to stop with the cray-cray." and a little girl responded “I can't! I'm a hot mess!" It was so hard not to laugh. - Katie S., first grade

A student didn't know what a peacock was during a zoo read aloud. When I showed the picture, he said, "Oh wow, that's a nice bird but the name of it has a nasty word in it..." I got really nervous for a second and he continued, “It starts with the word pee, that's kinda gross, right?" Phew! Saved by the innocence! - Aja O., kindergarten

We were talking about mammals that have fur and how they shed when it gets warmer. A little girl said, "Yea, my dad is really furry and sheds ALOT in the shower. There's always soooo much hair when he gets out." - Mary G., first grade

I had a student break down and cry during snack. I asked him what was wrong, and he said: "I don't want to eat cantaloupe! They're so cute when they run!" He thought cantaloupe came from antelopes. - Katie M., kindergarten

One child got scratched on accident. I went over to check him out when another boy runs over and confidently yells, "Mrs. S. let me see. I’m an expert on medical situations!" Bridget M., first grade

A few years ago we were twisting crepe paper to make tentacles for an octopus. One little boy called out "Mrs. F. I have lost one of my testicles." I think he meant tentacles. - Gena F., kindergarten

We were doing a unit on careers and jobs. That day we were talking about what their parents did. One little girl says "My mom dances and my dad counts the money." She wouldn’t change it so we had to write it on the chart. Let's hope her mom is a dancer and her dad a banker. - Tori B., preschool

One of my students was eating one of those bread sticks and cheese dip packages. I said "Oh I love those!" He brought one again the next day, dipped a breadstick, walked up to me, handed it to me and said, "Just so you know, I am free most Saturday nights! - Lynnette C., first grade

It was the first day of school. I saw a kindergartener whose brother had been in my class a few years before. He stopped me and exclaimed, “I know you, you’re Ms...Ms...Ms. America”. No I’m not, but I’ll take it. - Janet R., kindergarten

We were practicing making rhyming words in our reading group. I asked my student to give me a word that rhymes with ham. He said "Oh I know a word that rhymes, but I can't say it or I will get in trouble." - Christine S., first grade

I was reading a book about animals and asking students what sound each animal makes. The students would, moo, bark etc. I came to the page with a hedgehog on it, and I asked the question. I got lots of blank looks, then one little boy says, “prick, prick, prick.” - Michelle T., kindergarten

We were reading a book about taking a dog to the vet. A student said, “We took my dog to the vet to get neutered. It means she can’t have puppies. We got my mom neutered too.” - Laura G., first grade

I asked my students,  “What is an interesting thing you learned from your (nonfiction) book?” A girl answered “I was really excited to learn about the unicorn whale.” A bit of a know-it-all boy responds, “There’s no such thing as a unicorn whale. You don’t know what you’re talking about!” She opens her book and shows the narwhal. The boys jaw just dropped. - Susan C., second grade

This past week during nap time I was telling a sweet boy to just lay there and be still so his friends could nap and he piped up and said, “But Miss Kaitlyn, I have a brain and a heart and just can’t control myself.” - Kaitlyn F., preschool

I had gotten married during the summer and my last name is quite a doozy, “Bouchillon.” It was the first week of school and I was outside and heard a parent ask her child, Hey what’s your teacher's last name again? The child responded, Oh mama, you know she’s that B-word!” - Tiffany B., first grade

My class went to the bathrooms and one little girl seems to be taking an unusually long time. I finally call to her, “ Are you alright?” Her response was "I’m okay, I’m just concentrated." True story... - Nancy A., first grade

In the middle of a reading group a little girl stopped and said: "I'm never going to drink beer or tequila when I grow up because then you get in trouble. It's ok though, the policeman says mommy can get the blowy thing out of her car soon." - Katie M., kindergarten

I was teaching in a rural area and one of my girls came in so excited to tell, "I saw two donkeys playing leapfrog on the way to school!" I had her tell the story to all my coworkers. It’s the funniest thing I’ve ever been told. - Kari P., kindergarten

It was my 40th birthday and I was sitting at the lunch table with my students and one little boy across for me said "Mrs. W., how do you feel now that your life is half over?" - Sasha W., kindergarten

One day I wore my new black dress to school. A little sweetie came up to me and enthusiastically said, “Oh! I get it! We’re learning about the Pilgrims today!” - Anita D., first grade

One of my girls was late and I asked her why she was late. She told me that mommy and daddy were in the shower a long time and wouldn't get out. -  Melissa D., kindergarten 

My students were singing Christmas songs in music class. When they returned I asked, "What did you sing?" One student said, "That one about the new wife." "What?," I asked. He started singing, "Im dreaming of a wife for Christmas, just like the one I used to know." - Pamela S., first grade

We had made it to the last day of school, after counting the each day as part of our math, a sweetie told me "That's a lot of days! And you didn't even die!" All I could say was, "No, I survived" - Laura B., kindergarten

Have a funny story to add? Join our Facebook Group and then post your story in the group. We'll add the ones that make us laugh the most.  

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